Sales Jokes For the Sales Professional

These are more than sales jokes and silly sales babble. They are “how to” stories. You too can learn how a clever turn of phrase can grow your business.

How To Sell Shoes

A man and his son walk into a shoe store when the salesman asks, “How can I help you?” The man says he has a dinner to go to and is looking for the right type of shoes. The salesman asks if he is looking for dress shoes, the little boy pipes up and says ,   “but my dad doesn’t wear dresses.”

How To Double Your Sales

“This little computer”, said the a sales clerk, “will do half your job for you.” The senior manager studying the machine made his decision; “Fine, I’ll take two.”

How To Anticipate the Needs of Your Customer

A lady walked into a boutique and asked the sales lady “May I try on that cute dress in the window?” The sales lady replied; “Sure, but wouldn’t you be more comfortable in a dressing room?”

How Financing Can Make Sales

One of the greatest salesman ever born was Darren. He sold a farmer two milking machines when the farmer only had one cow and then accepted the cow as a down payment.

How Customer Service Makes Sales

“I stand behind every car I sell” said the car salesman.  “I help push it!”

Why Good Sales Proffessionals Never Assume

“Is your mother home?” the salesman asked a small girl sitting on the steps in front of a house. “Yeah, she’s home,” the girl said, scooting over to let him pass. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the girl, the fellow said, “I thought you said your mother was home.” The kid replied, “She is; but this isn’t where I live.”

Why Precise Language Matters in Sales

Once upon a time a salesman worked for a dairy  products company that provided milking equipment  for farms.  One morning he was trying out his new sales babble techniques and he asked an open-ended question to a prospective client “How long cows should be milked?”  The farmer paused and scratched his head for a moment and  answered

“Well………. I guess the same amount of time as the short ones.”

How To Win Salesman of the Month

A sales manager was addressing an underperforming sales team at the start of a new month. “We are going to have a sales contest this month. The winners will get to enter next month’s contest.”

How To Use the Newbie Card in Sales

A young salesperson peeped into the office of someone who looked like a sales manager, muttered something, then started walking away. After retreating a little he seemed to change his mind and headed back to the door — where after some hesitation, he started to back away again. The sales manager, feeling sorry for the young man, and surprised that he was so badly trained, called him in.

“You’re a salesperson aren’t you? What are you selling?”

“Sir … uh … yes … I’m a salesman. I’m sorry to bother you. I was selling insurance, but I’m sure you don’t want any. Sorry to have wasted your time.”

Feeling sorry for the young bungler, the sales manager bought two policies to give the young salesman some confidence and then started teaching him about selling. He said: “You should have different pre-planned approaches for different kinds of—”

“But I do, sir,” the young salesman interrupted, “the one I just used is my planned approach for sales managers. It always works. Thank you!”

How To Get the Order

Boss: Did you get any orders today?
Salesman: Yes, I got two!
Boss: Congratulations! What were they?
Salesman: “Get out!” and “Stay out!”

How To Give a Sales Demo

When a young salesman met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.

“I’ll see Heaven first,” said the salesman, and an angel led through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to a life of musical produce.

“Can I see Hell now?” he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the Basement where he was greeted by one of Satan’s loyal followers. For the next half hour, the salesman was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he’d ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, if you’ll pardon the expression, Hell of a time.

When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision.
“Yes, I have,” he replied. “As great as Heaven looks and all, I have to admit that Hell was more of my kind of place. I’ve decided to spend my eternity down there.”

The salesman was sent to hell, where he was immediately thrown into a cave and was chained to a wall, and he was subjected to various tortures. “When I came down here for the tour,” he yelled with anger and pain, “I was shown a whole bunch of bars and parties and other great stuff! What happened?!”

The devil replied, “Oh, that! That was just the Sales Demo.”

How To Find a Wide Open Market

Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, “I’m returning on the next flight. Can’t sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot.”
At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling “The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!”

How To Become a Sales Manager

A guy goes hunting and wants to hire a dog to retrieve the catch.

“I have just the dog for you, sir.” says the gamekeeper. “He’s called Salesman and he is brilliant” Off they go and every time the hunter shoots a bird the dog runs off and brings the bird back just as he was hired to do; a great success.

The following year, the same guy goes back and asks for Salesman as he was so good last year.

“Ah, I’m sorry, sir, but it won’t work anymore. Someone had the bright idea of calling him Sales Manager – now he just sits on his butt and barks all day”.

Why Sellers Need Intuition

The door to door book salesman ring a bell. The door is opened by an 8 year old lad holding a beer in one hand and a smoldering cigar on the other. After a few seconds to recompose himself the salesman asks:
-Hello young man, is your mama home? The “young man” replies dryly “What do you think”?

How To FUD a Prospect (Fear Uncertainty and Doubt)

Insurance agent was visiting to a would-be client and at the end of the presentation said “Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.”

How To Stay Healthy in Sales

Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself.
Doctor: Why is that?
Patient: I’m a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don’t want.

More Sales Jokes

Click here to learn how to be a Bartender in Sales  (What did the termite say to the barkeep? Is this bar tender?)

Click here on how to generate rapport with others. (FYI Not the Colbert Report)

Sales jokes are more than just humor, they are humanity.   Listen, live and love sales babbler.